


you're baking me crazy

by matchamida



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: F/M, Fluff, Reader-Insert, Romantic Comedy, cameos of other hq characters that may or may not have impact hehe, god i've never wrote about kags before i hope i can do him justice, idiots to lovers, mentions of physical violence, reader can fist fight and shes GOOD, reader is lowkey feral, she shares one braincell with yachi, shes smart but shes also kinda stupid in a paranoid way
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-13
Updated: 2021-02-10
Packaged: 2021-02-27 11:48:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 16,373
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22246612
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/matchamida/pseuds/matchamida
Summary: There's been this burning sensation aimed at the back of your head and it's—oh wait, never mind. That's just Kageyama Tobio giving you a withering glare.
Relationships: Kageyama Tobio/Reader
Comments: 87
Kudos: 362





	1. it really do be like that sometimes huh

You felt the same pair of eyes on you again and boy was it _fun_!

It was not.

Slowly lifting your gaze from your bento, you met the piercing stare of the volleyball genius, Kageyama Tobio. You immediately looked down at your food and suddenly appreciated the amount of effort you went through to make it look pretty, because it’s not easy to beautify food! Though, the thought vanished as quickly as it came because the intensity of his gaze was ridiculously difficult to ignore.

What did you do to make him this mad? He looked constipated mad! _About-to-end-your-existence_ mad! Your mind raced to remember any interaction you had with him. There was a time during lunch break when he passed by your desk to get to the visiting orange-haired boy—Hinata, you believed—and accidentally dropped an eraser at the foot of your desk. You had picked it up and called him back, and he stiffly thanked you, and… stared at your desk. That was it, really. You can’t remember any other fateful meeting. Then what was the problem? Was it the way you probably looked irritated when you gave it back to him? Your RBF game was at its peak as always.

A small group of girls from the class next door arrived with food purchased from a vending machine. They settled at the desks that sat diagonally from yours, effectively blocking your view of Kageyama. This meant his view of you was blocked as well.

You let out a sigh of relief. That was nerve-racking, but it was finally over. Just as you picked up your chopsticks to continue your meal, you saw movement from the corner of your eye, followed up with a burning sensation on the back of your head. Kageyama was now sitting two seats _behind_ you.

Did he move spots just to glare at you?

Uh, _holy shit._

* * *

“Have you tried talking to him?” Yachi suggested after you ranted about your dilemma. The two of you were walking to your brother’s bakery. Normally Yachi had her volleyball club to attend, but according to her, she was told to have a day off. Plus, she wanted to purchase a strawberry cake to share with her mother. “Maybe he wanted to ask you about something…”

“ **I ain’t going near him** ,” you accidentally barked in English. Upon receiving a startled look, you composed yourself. “Sorry, I mean, why couldn’t you talk to him? Aren’t you like, his manager?”

“W-well, I guess I could…” Yachi mumbled, and you instantly felt guilty since you knew she had anxiety with intimidating-looking people. 

“Never mind,” you sighed. “It’s my problem, so I’ll deal with it myself.”

The tiny bell welcomed you back with its familiar chime when you opened the door. Your older brother, Kazue, shouted out a greeting from the cashier station before actually looking up. His eyes brightened upon seeing you and Yachi.

“You brought Yacchan!” he said happily, regarding her with warmth. Yachi timidly bowed back.

“Wow. Nothing gets past you, Kazue,” you quipped sarcastically, ducking under the counter to the other side. You flung your school bag to the ground just as you caught the apron Kazue tossed you. Tying it on, you said to Yachi, “save us a table. I’ll get you the cake in a couple of minutes and we can study together when we close.”

“Got it!” 

With that, Yachi vanished. Kazue handed you the customers’ orders and you headed off to your station to prepare the drinks for them. Falling into the same, steady routine, your hands relied on muscle memory. They grabbed mixing spoons, teabags, sugared syrups, and flavored powders. But the moment your eyes fell upon the black boba pearls, the color instantly reminded you of Kageyama’s hair. Your face scrunched involuntarily with embarrassment and you nearly dropped a carton of milk.

There were tons of other people with black hair, so why did his face show up? Though, he truly stood out with his height and sharp glare. Had you not known he was in your class, you would have thought him to be a third-year. 

Your lips pursed in deep thought as you stirred the spoon, the thai tea blending its contents to the color of carrots. While it was highly likely that Kageyama had a deep grudge against you (for _what_ , you’re not sure), there was also a chance you were wrong.

Maybe Yachi was right. Maybe he needed to ask you about something but wasn’t sure how to approach you or the topic.

But then you remembered the intense feeling of being glared at and suddenly, maybe Yachi was wrong and he wanted to end you in cold blood.

Yeah, uh, holy shit.

* * *

You had just finished cleaning up your station when the last customer Kazue was dealing with was getting a _little_ louder than they should be. 

Concerned, you quickly wiped your hands on your apron before heading over to take a peek. With no phone on your person, the setting sun was an indicator to let everyone know that the bakery was closing soon; people were slowly trickling out. You saw that Yachi was still at the table, taking her time to enjoy a slice of the strawberry cake you delivered earlier and was waiting for you to join her.

When Kazue was in sight, he was with a man with dyed blond hair that was pushed back by a headband. His hands were pressed down heavily on the counter as he leaned over to Kazue to get whatever point he was spewing out across. 

Yikes, what was his problem? You sought to find out, approaching the two with a heavy frown. The customer seemed to be asking for something, his voice laced with borderline desperation.

“Come on, didn’t you and your family used to live in America?” he was begging.

“That is true.” Kazue seemed to be in deep thought, a finger under his chin that made him look like an idiot.

“So you know English!”

“That is also true.”

“Then?”

“Honestly? The situation you’re in sucks.”

“You don’t need to _remind_ me, Kazue.” 

“I’d help, but I don’t have the time to—oh, [Name], good timing.” He placed both hands on your shoulders to guide you in front of him and promptly announced to the customer, “she can do it.”

“Do what?” you asked dumbly. 

“[Name]’s also a first-year,” your brother went on, ignoring your confusion. “And she can speak fluently, just like me.”

“Uh, English?” you clarified. 

“[Name]-chan, I’m here to return the utensils—Coach Ukai?”

“Oh, Yachi.”

“You two know each other?” you and your brother uttered aloud.

“Y-yes, I’m the assistant manager of the volleyball club,” Yachi explained.

You eyed Ukai with skepticism. “You’re a coach?” 

“Oi, you don’t have to look so suspicious,” Ukai muttered.

“Class 1-5 _and_ assistant manager?” Kazue whistled to Yachi, drumming his fingers on your shoulders. “My sister could never!”

“ **Shut up** ,” you snarled, jamming your elbow into his stomach.

“ **Hey, don’t speak English and hit me in front of other people** ,” he responded airily. “ **It’s rude. And painful** _.”_

“ **Then don’t insult me, asshole**!”

“Anyway… Ukai,” Kazue coughed. “Why didn’t you ask Yacchan since she’s in your club? It would make sense to go to her first. And she seems to be a lot more capable.”

You elbowed him again. A weak gurgle escaped his throat.

Ukai, who had been watching your little sibling spat with a bemused expression, shook out of his stupor. “That’s kinda the problem, actually.”

“I’m a problem?!” Yachi suddenly bemoaned. “I knew it…”

“You could never be a problem,” the rest of you immediately said in unison.

“I don’t want you to overwork yourself,” Ukai added. “You’ve already helped those two muscleheads a lot.”

“Helped them with… oh, that? I could do that again—”

“No,” Ukai said firmly, and it was a little hard to watch Yachi wilt on the spot. “I’m asking Kazue in your place.”

“But,” Kazue interjected briskly, “I’m busy running my bakery, so [Name] could do it in my place.”

“Do _what_?” you almost cried. “I have one, singular brain cell! I don’t understand what’s going on! _What_ am I supposed to do?”

Kazue was puzzled. “We didn’t tell you?”

You almost exploded. “ _No_!” you howled. 

Ukai and Yachi wisely leaned away from you.

“Coulda swore we did.” Kazue shrugged. “Ukai, you tell her.”

“What?” Ukai blanched. “Why me? Why are you even forcing this on her?”

“It’s for her own good. She needs to spend time away from the bakery and make new friends other than Yachi. No offense, Yachi. You’re good for her, but one person is not enough.”

The tip of your elbow stabbed him. Kazue wheezed. Ukai took that as his cue to butt in, giving you a wary eye as he explained his situation.

“Two of the club’s first-years’ grades are dropping. If they go any lower, they’ll have to be suspended from playing since they’re students first before athletes, and this isn’t a good time for that.”

“So… you want me to tutor them?”

“If you would.” Ukai gave a short bow. “English is probably their worst subject, which is why I went to Kazue for help.”

“Why couldn’t _you_ do it?” you demanded, squinting in disbelief. 

Ukai straightened up to look you in the eye. You almost took a step back from the grave seriousness he alluded and wondered if you should apologize for your blunt rudeness. “Do I look like someone who got good grades?” he questioned roughly, the piercings on his ear glinting as if daring you to speak.

Kazue opened his mouth. “I’m so sorry fellas, but was that a rhetorical question? I couldn’t tell.”

You slapped your forehead. “Kazue, please shut up. Ukai-san, it’s true my brother can’t help you but… maybe I can. I can read, speak, and write in both languages. I’ll help if it means Hitoka-chan won’t stress herself out.”

“I think I’ll be even _more_ stressed,” Yachi mumbled.

Your eyes narrowed. “What do you mean?”

“Um… one of them is—”

“Everyone!” Kazue called to the lingering customers. “We’re officially closed for the day! Please come back tomorrow!” He turned to Ukai. “[Name] said yes, yes? Alright, I’ll clean up while you guys talk it out. Now shoo!” He swatted his hands as if the three of you were flies. 

Rolling your eyes, you removed your apron and ducked under the counter to where Ukai and Yachi were.

* * *

“So Hinata-kun and… K-Kageyama-kun, right?”

“Hinata is fine!”

“Okay, Hinata it is then.” 

There’s a bit of shuffling of quiz papers. Red marks blared their imaginary horns at you, and you did your best to not give any sort of reaction at the not-so-great scores.

Kageyama, a dumbass? You were surprised. He seemed really smart. 

As if he heard your thoughts, you felt The Stare on you. You felt like you had to apologize to the deities above.

“Thank you so much for giving us your time!” Hinata suddenly shouted, shooting out of his chair to bow at a ninety-degree angle. 

“Hinata…” You were flustered. It was embarrassing when people bowed like that.

Hinata elbowed his teammate. “Oi, say something too.”

“Yes.” Kageyama bowed his head, boring his eyes into your soul. “Thank you.”

You were _so_ doomed.


	2. god said it’s your turn to use the brain cell

You hardly had anything in common with Yachi.

Some people did a double-take when they found out that the two of you were close friends, because little and meek _Yachi_ , acquainted with _you_? You, who was rumored to be m-mean and b-b-bitchy?

Yeah. It can get kinda lonely, but you’d rather eat a squirrel raw than admit it to your brother.

You were aware you didn’t have the friendliest reputation, not with your default scowl and narrowed eyes. The genetics from your dad did wonders. Kazue was the one who “drained all the good shit” from your mom.

Kazue’s words, not yours.

There was also the fact that you really liked makeup. You admitted that the sharp eyeliner you put on every morning made you appear serious and intimidating, but hey! At least you looked less ugly and gave off the don’t-mess-with-me vibe. 

Though, you could see where people were right when they made assumptions about your attitude; your temper can be something else. Thankfully, you calmed down as you aged. Your mom suggested that you do yoga or design pastries for the bakery. As much as both suggestions worked and kept your mind off things, sometimes you felt like a ticking time bomb just waiting to explode.

Your dad liked to reminisce about the old days when you were a toddler-sized feral animal. According to him, attacking your brother was a hobby you took immense pleasure in. You would jump him upon sight and pound your tiny fists on his stomach. You would yank on his hair when you scrambled up. You would pull on his ears, cover his eyes, and shriek in delight when he tripped on something. Due to him being a decade older, he was hardly bothered by it. In fact, everyone in the family just laughed at you because they found it cute. And in the end, when people asked about the thin scar above his brow, Kazue would brag about how he fought off a rabid dog (read: you).

You sighed. 

Yeah, you hardly had anything in common with Yachi. She would never go feral.

But what you _did_ share with Yachi was the brain cell of paranoia. Usually, you let her keep it at all times, but not today. God said it was your turn to use it. 

That brain cell was currently telling you to leave the classroom because Kageyama was staring at you again. Why was he getting closer all of a sudden? Oh, he’s _approaching_ you. Nice! Right at the beginning of lunch, too!

“Kageyama-kun,” you said a bit too quickly, straightening up in your seat, “what’s up?”

He looked at you straight in the eyes and muttered.

You squinted. “Um, I-I’m sorry, what?”

“I…”

“Um, sorry, haha, could you repeat that?” 

“I… yesterday…”

“Sorry, what?” Your hearing game was _weak_ today and he was gonna _kill_ you for this.

Kageyama took a deep breath. “I DON’T _UNDERSTAND_!” he bellowed, sharply bowing the way Hinata did yesterday.

The rest of the students recoiled at the sheer intensity of Kageyama’s voice, whipping their heads to the two of you. Someone even slid open the door to take a quick look at the commotion.

At the loud silence, you shook out of your stupor. “You don’t understand… what, exactly?” you breathed out with wide eyes. 

The crowd went back to their usual business after seeing it wasn’t a big deal. Kageyama straightened, pink tinging his cheeks as he stared hard at the floor.

“I don’t understand... some of the English vocab you went over yesterday,” he strained out, tentatively placing his blue notebook on the very edge of your desk. “Can you… help me?”

You slowly nodded. If you did otherwise, he’d probably yell at you again. “O-okay, sure. Pull up a chair right here. Do you need a pencil?”

Relief flooded onto his face. “I have one.”

You stuffed the last clump of rice into your mouth before putting your bento away. Kageyama placed the chair directly in front of you and sat as he waited for you to prepare the materials. 

But after five minutes into the lesson, he stated in realization: “you’re actually smart.”

For a moment, you forget that you’re intimidated by him and narrowed your eyes. “Thank you,” you quipped flatly.

God, did he think you were dumb? Well, he’s right about that part.

Miraculously, Kageyama seemed to pick up on your bitter tone, because he looked up from his work and shook his head. “No.”

“No?” 

Was he okay? What crack was he smoking? 

He shook his head again. “I think you should be in the advanced classes. You’re smart.”

Unable to hold his gaze once again, you broke eye contact as something warm rose to your cheeks. It wasn’t so often that you received a compliment that was particularly aimed at your academic intelligence. 

“Thank you,” you said genuinely, “but I don’t think I’d last in those classes. Hitoka-chan told me about the work she does and it sounds like it would just stress me out.”

He nodded absentmindedly, poking a spot in your open notebook with the tip of his pencil. “What does that word mean?”

“Oh, this word means…”

* * *

Lunch was almost over and you decided that you spent enough time working up the courage to ask.

“Kageyama-kun?”

“What?”

“Uh…” The words died in your mouth. “D-did you eat yet?”

That was _not_ what you wanted to ask at all. You wanted to ask why he was angry at you.

But the thought was pushed aside when he shook his head, and a pang of guilt dropped to your stomach. He _did_ come to you at the start of lunch and you didn’t see him nibble on anything. That wasn’t good. And he had volleyball practice later, right? Then...

Reaching for your bag, you pulled out a small box and placed it in front of him. “You can have this.” 

He took off the lid to inspect its contents. “What’s this?”

You began cleaning up your supplies, talking as you did so. “Your lunch. Inside is a pork bun and a guava pastry. Make sure to eat something every day, especially when you’re active in a sport. Oh, and here’s a juice box to wash it down—uh.”

He’s staring again, eyes wide and burning through you. He’s so quiet that you think you’re gonna melt from the budding anxiety.

“You…” he growled.

You shrank at his heavy tone, wildly wondering what he was going to say next.

“You’re… nuff…”

You squinted. “Um, I-I’m sorry, what?”

“Knife...”

“ _Knife_? Um, sorry, haha, could you repeat that? Haha! Ha...”

“Knaff.”

“...Sorry, what?” Your hearing game was _weak_ today and he was gonna _kill_ you for this. 

What did he say? Did he not like guava? 

Kageyama abruptly stood up. Since you were sitting down, this angle made him look even taller and scarier. He stiffly bowed, muttering something that you _also_ couldn't hear, and went back to his desk with the box in hand.

As class resumed, you prayed that it was Yachi’s turn to hold the brain cell of paranoia.


	3. hurricane katrina? more like hurry the hell up

Later that evening, you’re working at the register when two guys from Karasuno came in.

It wasn’t that it was rare to see someone from school; quite the opposite, actually. Since the bakery was within walking distance, you would see some students wandering about here and there. They were usually familiar faces: classmates from your class, classmates from next door, upperclassmen, and so forth. 

But these faces were new.

Well, not _new_. They were wearing the boys’ school uniform, but you’d never seen them before. Or maybe you had and didn’t bother to remember.

One was tall, blond, and had glasses. With that face, he looked a bit asshole-ish, but you’ve dealt with your fair share of asshole-ish guys. Hopefully, he wasn’t an _actual_ asshole. 

The other was a bit shorter, dark-haired, and had freckles. Unlike his companion, he looked a bit on the shy side. He was also kinda cute, to boot.

“Welcome,” you greeted, noticing that your tone was lacking a bit of enthusiasm. You hoped that Kazue would hurry up with his giant dump so he could take back his station already because frankly, you didn’t feel like putting on the customer-service voice. That was his job. Today’s interaction with Kageyama sapped what little social energy you had, and you wanted nothing more than to knock out. 

Stopping a few feet away from the counter, the blond studied the pastries behind the glass display while his friend read the menu on the walls above your head.

“Tsukki, what should we get? They all look so good.”

“Don’t ask me,” came the blond’s flat reply, eyes lingering on the fruit cakes.

“I think I’ll just get a drink for now. That matcha milk tea sounds good. Oh, but that guava pastry he had earlier looked delicious too…”

If Kazue wasn’t going to show up because of his exploding constipation, it was up to you to be the cashier for the rest of today. Gross. There was a mutual agreement in your family that the cashier was generally your brother’s job. Yours was to make sweet drinks and hot teas in the corner you dubbed ‘Milkies’, with the occasional side job of icing pastries and boxing them. As fun as it was to touch money, quickly counting and calculating right before a customer’s eyes left you feeling frazzled, which only increased your frustration and anxiety.

There was the option of getting one of the workers here to take over for you, but half were busy in the back baking and the rest were tending to the tables. To ask now would make you look rude, pathetic, and helpless.

Speaking of appearances, you _also_ didn’t want to be perceived as lazy (hooray for anxiety!), so you forced yourself to straighten up and used a nearby towel to wipe the already pristine counter until the pair made their decisions. When you looked up to check on them, the shorter one was openly staring at you.

You immediately slapped on a smile. “Are you ready?” 

He flushed. “U-um, not yet, sorry.”

“Take your time.” You resumed your unnecessary wiping.

Hoo boy, that was awkward. 

The one called Tsukki approached you with his order. “I’ll have one slice of that strawberry cake,” he said, taking out his wallet. “That’s all. Yamaguchi, hurry up.”

“I’ll have a matcha milk tea with no boba and… a guava pastry,” Yamaguchi finished, trailing off into another open stare in which you pretended not to notice. First Kageyama and now this guy? What was it with these boys staring at you lately? Were you pretty, ugly, or pretty ugly? Which was it?

Once they paid the appropriate amount, they made their way to the side of the bakery to wait for their food. You were extremely lucky it wasn’t crowded today, so you could afford to leave the cashier unattended to make the drink. Hopefully, Kazue would be back by then. 

A scowl was barely suppressed as you stalked away to Milkies, really wondering how massive Kazue’s shit was. You had told him not to eat that weird-smelling cheese earlier, but he said “bet” and did it anyway. Dumbass.

With some black tea already in the shaker, you grabbed the jar of green matcha powder and scooped two spoonfuls, putting in a bit of condensed milk and half-and-half. You closed it and shook it with today’s frustration, hands clamped on each end of the shaker. Finally, you poured it into the plastic cup and placed the lid over it, before heading back to the counter where the pair was. Yamaguchi perked up at the drink in your hands.

“Thanks!” He gave a short bow of his head.

“I’ll be right back with your pastries,” you said airily, handing it over with a straw from your apron. 

But he was staring at you again with a contemplative look. You thought about how you were _so_ close to snapping and crying.

Maybe it was the exhaustion that had you giving up on emoting because you only smiled tightly and resumed your work, placing the slice of cake and the guava pastry in separate boxes.

“...hey, do you think that’s the girl tutoring Hinata and Kageyama?” you suddenly heard, and it all made sense now because these two knew Hinata and Kageyama and they knew them.

You turned. “Are you guys their friends?”

There was a barely audible snort from Tsukki. “We’re just teammates,” he said flatly. You got the feeling that he only worked for the minimum. What a mood.

Yamaguchi’s cheeks warmed upon being caught and cleared his throat, stabbing his straw into the cup. “We heard there was someone from a bakery helping them with their English other than Yachi-san. Er! Not that we came by just to confirm that…”

“That’s me,” you accidentally sighed. 

That sounded pitiful.

”Sorry fellas.” You cleared your throat, smiling broader and added in a lighter tone, “I mean, that’s me! I’m sure you know how Hitoka-chan is. She’s such a hard worker, so I’m taking some of her load by tutoring Hinata and Kageyama. Um, if you don’t mind me asking, why couldn’t one of you help them?”

At this, Tsukki looked off to the side in plain disinterest. “The only language they can speak is volleyball,” he stated bluntly. “Also, they’re too slow.”

Yikes. This guy is giving off strong vibes of assholery. 

“I can see where you’re coming from,” you said neutrally, making sure to hide your mild distaste behind a light smile, “but everyone learns at their own pace. Here’s your food—“

“God, it was like Hurricane Katrina repeatedly blasting out of my asshole. Like popcorn popping out of the popcorn maker, with those little seeds still stuck inside. My ass might as well tear a third hole with all that shit building up. _Never_ again.”

Kazue strutted closer, playfully swatting your shoulder and retying his apron on. When he saw the pair that had yet to receive their order, he brightened considerably.

“Oh my god, are you her friends? Thanks so much for putting up with her! I’m her big brother by the way. Did she attack anyone else at school yet?”

Yamaguchi and Tsukki, both who didn’t know how to react to Kazue’s poop comments earlier, didn’t know how to react to his current comments. Their perplexed gazes stiffly shifted to yours.

You wanted to die. You also wanted to throttle Kazue’s throat, but that would only support his statement. Oh, and you wanted to die.

Kazue noted their reactions with a grin. “I’m kidding, but kinda not really. She was a feral little girl.”

They didn’t say anything.

“Here’s your food!” you chirped, leaning over the counter to shove the plastic bags into Yamaguchi’s arms. “I’ll see you at school, maybe? Have a nice day!”

The boy fumbled with them. “Oh, uh, thank—”

“Have a nice day.” 

His mouth clamped shut. The two walked out of the bakery. 

Once the door closed, you ripped off your apron, crumpled it, and chucked it at Kazue’s face. He only laughed and ruffled your hair when it bounced off harmlessly.


	4. maybe it's maybelline, or maybe they don't know what that is

Stifling a sleepy yawn for the ninth time, you squinted at your paper.

If someone were to look at it, it’d be clear that you had been dozing off because your handwriting veered sporadically at the ends of your sentences. Choppy kanji and hiragana meshed with each other, along with some random pencil lines that you confused for fallen strands of your hair. You had even written on the desk. 

Sighing, you took out an eraser and began to clean up your mess. This week was barely reaching its halfway mark and you wanted nothing more than to hibernate in your room. 

But you had a quiz coming up soon this week; it wouldn’t do you good to sleep through everything. Taking a deep breath, you dug your pastel pink nails into your palms as an effort to stay awake. You zeroed your eyes onto the board. You blocked out everything except for the teacher’s monotone voice.

You could take the fat naps later. 

It was time to focus.

* * *

You ended up falling asleep anyway. By some miracle, you weren’t caught.

It was one of those times where you were sleeping, but still slightly conscious of your thoughts and surroundings. You could tell it was lunchtime by the scraping back of chairs and shuffling feet. Muffled voices mixed into a single mass of murmurs, occasionally increasing in volume and dying back down. It all passed through one ear and out the other, and all you could think about was continuing your nap with your head resting in your arms.

_poke_

You dimly planned to tell your family how tired you were, skip work, skip homework, maybe stay inside from school a couple of days, and catch up on—

“Hey.”

—some video games or something. Speaking of video games, you’re in the middle of designing your island in Animal Crossing and it was turning out far better than you expected. The only problem you had was this ugly villager. You wanted to kick him out. What was his name, Limberg? Yeah, that one. Wasn’t even worth remembering. That was how insignificant he was.

_poke poke_

You didn’t want his rat disease contaminating your island and did what you could to drive him away. You hit him with your net, fenced his house, destroyed his property, and set up a gong outside his house to bang it in the hopes of annoying him. You dug holes and terraformed water around him wherever he stood so he was perpetually trapped, made a tile labeled UGLY to put on his lawn, and sent a letter to him that said LEAVE, UGLY.

Ugh, if only you could just go inside the game and fight him yourself.

_poke poke poke_

As much as you entertained the thought, you couldn’t just _ignore_ your current responsibilities no matter how much you wanted to, but—

“Oi.”

—self-care was pretty darn important.

“She’s probably ignoring you, ha!”

And you hadn’t had self-care in a while...

“Shut up, dumbass! She’s just sleeping.”

“Ehhh, I never would have expected her to sleep in class. But then again, she’s good at studying like Yachi and Stingyshima. I think she’ll be fine with the quiz.”

Yeah, you were totally gonna play New Horizons right after school for that deserved self-care. Oh, to be able to escape to a thriving island of fresh fruits and unlimited relaxation—

“Oi.”

A hand jostled your shoulder and you jolted up, blinking blearily. What the fuck? What’s going on? Who did that? Could they like, leave?

“Kageyama!” a voice you recognized as Hinata cried indignantly.

You felt your shoulders sag. It was only Hinata and Kageyama. 

_Kageyama._

You rubbed your eyes, squinting at the boys who stood by your desk with expectant looks on their faces.

“What,” you accidentally grouched.

Wait. No. Backtrack.

You cleared your throat and slipped on your customer-service face. “I mean, sorry, hi guys. I was resting a bit.”

With his guilty face holding irresistible puppy eyes, Hinata bowed, bringing Kageyama down with him. “We’re sorry for bothering you during your break!”

You cringed and waved a feeble hand. “It’s fine, it’s fine! Helping you helps me in a way since I can also review the lesson. Um, you two grab a seat and I’ll get my stuff out.”

They brought two more desks over to surround yours. You brought out the materials and flipped to the page that had your ugly notes from today (it’s nearly as ugly as fucking _Limberg_ ). 

“I was wondering,” you began unsurely. “I help you two study until your grades improve, right? It’s what your coach told me, and in order to do that, you need to pass the quizzes this month and keep it steady from there.”

“That’s right,” Hinata confirmed, balancing a pencil between his lips and nose. “As long as we can pass, even with the lowest double digits—”

“Uh, I really don’t think that’s a good—”

“—then we’ll be fine! Probably.”

“Probably?” you echoed.

Kageyama nodded in agreement. “It’s a good plan.”

Plan? _What_ plan?

You resisted the urge to gape at them. “Maybe you two should aim a bit higher to be on the safer side,” you encouraged weakly.

Hinata deflated, his pencil dropping from his face. “Yeah, you’re right.”

“We’ll start working on the lesson now, okay? Hinata, could you show me your notes from today…”

Throughout the lesson, there were some bumpy roads (and roadblocks), but overall they paid attention as best as they could. You had just finished explaining when Hinata suddenly peered at your face with concern.

“Are you okay?” he asked.

You looked up from your notes. “Uh, yeah. What’s up?” 

“Because—” 

“You look terrible,” Kagayama finished, and Hinata recoiled as if _he_ was the one being burned by Kageyama’s blunt fire. Did he expect him to say that? Hmm, maybe being his friend meant being lovingly insulted 24/7. Or he probably meant it 24/7. You wondered how Hinata put up with Kageyama. Oh god, did that mean Yachi was being insulted 24/7? Nah, she would have told you if that ever happened, and she didn’t seem to hate him. Ugh, the thought of Kageyama calling her terrible to her face was making your blood boil and…

You deflated. Right, Kageyama just said that to _your_ face.

You had a few options to pick for retaliating. You could tell him to shut the hell up, but he’d probably end you right there on the spot. You could give him your mirror and tell him to repeat his statement, but he’d probably shatter it and shank you with the shards. You could... cry? Tempting, but you were too exhausted to force out crocodile tears.

But then. But _then._ You remembered the other day when Kageyama first came over to you for tutoring and despite his scary face, he genuinely wanted help with his studying.

And then he stormed back to his seat after you gave him a pork bun and a guava pastry. Maybe he didn't like fruit? Maybe you should try the chocolate puffs next time. Perhaps they’d make a better peace offering, and maybe he’d stop being so angry at you for whatever reason. 

Wait, where were you again? Right, Kageyama said you looked terrible. That was also a synonym for ugly. He called you ugly. Ugly rat. Ugly like that ugly villager L*mberg.

“Okay,” was all you said. You may have accepted the fact that you were ugly, but damn if you were going to let this affect your tutoring. “So in this sentence, the adjective is—”

But Hinata, bless his pure little heart, seemed to have picked up on your distress. “We could go to Yachi instead if you’re not feeling well,” he offered. 

That was the last thing you wanted to happen. The whole reason you were doing this was to have them _not_ go to Yachi, and _not_ add to her pile of stress.

Well, it’s adding to your pile, but eh.

“No, no, I’m good,” you hurriedly assured. But when their expressions didn’t change, you blurted, “I woke up late this morning and didn’t have time to put eyeliner on. And I would’ve brought it to school to do it, but I forgot it at home. That’s why I look… u-ugly.” You suppressed a shudder. “I look really different without my eyeliner, huh?”

Hinata blinked. “What?” 

“What?” you said.

Kageyama was confused. “That word is new to me.” 

“What’s eyeliner?” Hinata asked you.

“It’s... eyeliner,” you said.

“What’s the character for eyeliner?” Kageyama asked, pen at the ready.

“What’s eyeliner?” Hinata asked again.

“Y’know… the thing… the cosmetic,” you pushed out.

“Cos-me-tic?” Kageyama echoed. “What’s that? How do you spell that?”

“No, don’t _write_ it,” you stressed, thinking hard. “Cosmetic. It’s the, uh…”

Makeup. You wanted to say makeup, but you couldn’t. You forgot how to. Did you really forget the Japanese word for makeup? How did you remember the word for cosmetic but not _makeup_?

“ **Makeup** ,” you said in English aloud and switched back to Japanese. “It’s the… sharpie. Black paint. For eyes.”

They blinked owlishly.

Desperate, you picked up your black pen and pretended to draw on your eyelids. “You draw on the eyes! Eyeliner! Black paint! S-sharpie! Maybelline? The brand?” 

“Huh?” they uttered. You resonated with that feeling so well.

“Give me a moment… _makeup_! Yeah, that’s the word, I meant makeup.” A grin bloomed from your achievement, but it fell when you saw their unchanging confusion. “Please tell me you know what makeup is.”

“OH! You wear makeup?!” Hinata all but shouted, gaping at you in astonishment. 

“Uh, yeah.”

“I thought you looked like that naturally!” he exclaimed.

You laughed sheepishly at the nice compliment. “I wish.”

* * *

Lunch was nearly over, but Hinata planned to go to the restroom and back to his classroom after that.

“Thank you for your help, [Surname]-san!”

You told him it was fine to address you by your first name since it was what you grew up with, but he only turned pink and quickly excused himself. Cutie.

You brought back your attention to the other member of your group and why oh why did he think it was okay to give you the dagger look. 

“We’ll stop here,” you said evenly. “I think you two made good progress.”

“Okay.”

One would think he would take the cue to like, leave, but he just sat there. Chilling. After calmly cleaning up your station, you stared back. Not direct eye-contact, _hell_ no. That was asking to be eviscerated.

“Is there something else you need, Kageyama-kun?”

“No,” he said gruffly.

“Erm, okay. Do you just wanna talk about… stuff?”

“Not really.”

“Okay.”

You were uncomfortable, but it looked like he felt the same way because he was squirming in his seat. Should you say something else? 

“If you wanna use the restroom you can go—”

“No, you idiot!” he barked before you could finish. “I just have something for you, okay?”

“I… what?” you asked, stunned. Ignoring his insult, you watched as he reached down to his side to bring up a plastic bag you didn’t notice. He unceremoniously pushed it towards you, his face scrunched up.

“This is for you,” he spat.

“F-for me?” you stuttered, accepting it. God, please, do not let this be poison...

Kageyama directed his glare at your desk, like he was trying to burn it through sheer will. “This is thanks for the food the other day. I didn’t know what you like, so I got whatever.”

You blinked, turning to the bag. “Can I open it?”

He grunted. You took that as a yes.

The first item was a juice box. At least, that’s what you thought it was until the label said it was milk. The rest of the bag was dairy food from the school’s vending machine; milk bread and a cheese and ham sandwich sat placidly at the bottom.

“The guava pastry was good. _Really_ good. And... sorry about earlier. I don’t think you look terrible. And… you’re _not_ ugly.”

Kageyama’s words shook you out of your current stupor and sent you into another one. Something just _struck_ and you noticed that your heart was beating oddly quick. Your cheeks were heating up and you almost slapped a hand to your face to see if you could feel the warmth.

What? What was this? What was going on? What? You’ve had people tell you how pretty you were, but it’s somehow different when it’s from Kageyama. Wait, he didn’t even say you were pretty, he just said you weren’t ugly! But you supposed that from him, it’s a compliment. You’ll take it.

“Uh,” you said intelligently, not meeting his gaze.

So just say thanks and move on, stupid!

You looked at him straight in the eye and said, “I’m lactose intolerant.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the one time i want a switch is the one time the whole world decides to buy them out of stock and resell them for over 500 bucks bruuhhhhh. so I've been playing the og animal crossing on my Gamecube and i have Limberg in my town and i want to commit arson on his rat house


	5. the pros and cons of kazue

It was a strange and dangerous habit, but sometimes you slept in the bakery at night instead of in your own room.

Underneath a counter and behind a draped curtain that one would have to lift up in order to enter, was your napping spot. The area was big enough for a futon to lie placidly on the tiled floor. A small pillow and blanket piled in a heap at the center. At the foot of the futon sat a small cardboard box that contained bottled water and snacks, bringing heaven to your empty stomach in the quiet of the night. 

Surely one would think: who in their right mind would let their teenage daughter sleep in their bakery at night?

Your family. They were okay with it since it would save time to get to school, and as long as Kazue was there. He even thought the idea was brilliant.

(“No security alarms needed. Free guard dog,” he had said sagely [before you jumped at him].)

With that, you were able to claim the spot for yourself. You childishly dubbed it a secret clubhouse and yes, it was dumb, but it was _your_ dumb clubhouse.

And sometimes...

“What the—hey!” you fumed indignantly at the slumbering body in the futon. “Move!”

...it was Kazue’s.

“Urghhh.” He rotated to face you and squinted. “I deserve luxury,” he declared nasally.

“You have your own spot in the corner with your own futon!”

“But it’s warmer here!” he whined pathetically.

“You already take over my spot in the day during break times,” you quipped, yanking the blanket off of him. For good measure, you dug your toes into his side. “Shoo.”

“I own this bakery. By my rights, I can sleep here.” Regardless of his words, he sluggishly rolled out from under the counter, standing up to yawn and stretch. You immediately dove into the futon, though it’s disgustingly warm from Kazue’s body heat. But you’re tired and can’t do much about it.

“Gimme the switch,” he suddenly said. “I wanna play Animal Crossing.”

You used your foot to nudge the box. “It’s in there. Make some bank, I owe like, a hundred-thousand bells for that bridge.”

“Yeah, yeah.” He bent down to grab the device. The sounds of your snack bags rustled noisily. “Night.”

“Night. And don’t sell Raymond.”

Kazue scoffed. “I’m not _that_ evil. He’s the one good thing we have.”

With that, he left for his own sleeping corner and you’re left alone in the dark. You’re not sure how much time had passed, but at one point it was clear you were not going to have a proper rest. You had been drifting in and out of sleep until hunger kept your eyes wide open around five in the morning. Sitting up, you used your foot to bring the snack box closer to you and blindly reached in to grab whatever was inside.

And there was nothing.

“Kazue,” you muttered darkly. 

You had no other choice but to go to the bakery’s private fridge. It was installed to separate the employees’ personal lunches from the bakery’s food. You slipped on your slippers and slinked deeper into the kitchen, where of course, Kazue was rummaging through the fridge. Insatiable rat bastard.

“What, my snacks weren’t enough for you?” you scoffed, nudging him aside to make space for yourself.

“Your snacks have strong flavors,” he replied instantly. Before you could defend your snacks and call him old, he held up a familiar plastic bag. “This yours?” 

“Yeah.”

Using the fridge’s light, he peered through the bag. “This has dairy stuff in it,” he stated.

“Yeah.”

“Little girl, you are lactose.”

“Dairy is good,” you huffed indignantly. “Nothing’s gonna stop me from entering cheesy heaven.”

“ _I’m_ stopping you,” Kazue said gravely, “by eating it myself.”

“What? No!”

“Listen, you can’t handle _cow titty milk_! Do you really want to face the consequences when you have school in a couple of hours? You wanna sit in class with a stomachache during math lessons?”

You gaped, watching as he sped away to a counter with the bag. “No, shut up, stop it, you’re lactose too! You’re far worse than me! You were literally on the toilet the other day for god knows how long because you ate that stinky cheese! Stupid!” you barked as you followed suit, but not before closing the fridge.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” he feigned innocently. He hopped onto the counter to sit and turned on the lamp at the corner, illuminating the kitchen with a very dim glow. His hands smoothly unwrapped the milk bread, and even though it was only from a vending machine, it smelled _so_ good. Or maybe you were just that hungry. You bitterly watched as he sunk his teeth into it and moaned in satisfaction.

“I luff dairy.”

Copying his actions, you hopped onto the counter. After another bite, he handed you the bread. You took it and ripped off a huge chunk with your teeth. It had no right to be this delicious. 

Kazue opened the sandwich and studied it, before nibbling a small part. “Not as good as ours, but it’s good. The different type of good. You know what I mean.”

You silently agreed, taking another bite of the bread.

“These are from the vending machine?” At your confirmation, he nodded thoughtfully. “How much was it?”

You chewed and swallowed. “Dunno.”

“You bought it and you don’t remember the price?”

“Uh, I didn’t buy it.”

“What?”

“This was a present.”

Kazue frowned. “Like… a prank present? Gag gift?” 

You paused. “What do you mean?”

“It’s one thing to be lactose and purposely buying dairy food to eat, but it’s a whole different thing if someone is _aware_ you’re lactose and yet, still went ahead and bought it, knowing you can’t eat it without repercussions. That’s just terrible. It’s just like teasing a hungry dog with meat.”

You wiped a hand on your pants, then rubbed your eyes. “Hey, it’s fine. The guy didn’t know I was lactose.”

And just like that, the mood was instantly lighter. Kazue’s focus was entirely on you, eyes gleaming with anticipation and sandwich forgotten on the counter. “A guy? What does he look like? Is he ugly?”

“The first thing you want to know about the guy I’m going to talk about is whether if he’s ugly or not.”

Kazue shrugged. “I need to visualize him for your drama. So?”

“Um… tall, blue eyes, short black hair. Just angry looking. Shoots you with laser eyes. Pew pew!”

“Hmm, feels like you’re exaggerating, but I got it. Now tell me about this drama you’re having.”

You rolled your eyes. “Okay, don’t tell Mom and Dad. They’d make a big deal out of it. So y’know how I’m tutoring the two volleyball players?”

“Uh-huh.”

“Right, so I kinda already knew them beforehand. One of them is in my class and the other occasionally visits him. But the thing is, the guy in my class scares the shit outta me. Like, he full-blown glares at me.”

“What did you do to him?”

“That’s the thing!” you cried, letting out a string of words. “I literally don’t know what I did to make him angry at me and I’ve been trying to figure it out. Anyway, at one point, I was tutoring Kageyama—the guy—during lunch and towards the end, I was about to ask him what I did to make him so damn pissed, but I chickened out and asked if he had lunch yet. Turned out he didn’t eat anything, and I felt so bad for taking up his lunchtime, so I gave him my lunch since he had practice later and it would be dangerous to be active on an empty stomach, y’know? And then he mumbled, just _mumbled,_ and went away, and then, and then—”

Kazue stared. “Oi, breathe.”

You inhaled. “And then fast forward to some days later, I was helping anothering tutoring, uh shoot, I mean, I was doing another tutoring session at lunch, and listen. His friend, Hinata, asks if I’m okay, and I’m like ‘yeah, how come’ and Kageyama tells me I look terrible. So that low-key offended me, but I told them I wasn’t wearing makeup and that’s why I looked ugly. Some time passes and the session ends and he tells me he had something to give to repay for the food and uh, yeah. You’re drinking it.”

The sound of Kazue sipping milk through a straw abruptly stopped. “Well. High school drama, huh?”

“It’s not even drama,” you groaned. “I’m just making—oh! Oh my god, while he was giving me the stuff, he told me I wasn’t ugly.”

Silence.

Something funny squeaked out of Kazue’s throat. “W-what?” 

“H-he,” you choked out, a smile splitting your face from the sound of Kazue, “said I w-wasn’t ugly. Don’t laugh, pfft… this i-isn’t funnyyy…!”

Kazue threw back his head to laugh harder, but it only rammed loudly against the wall behind him and he jerked forward in pain, resulting in him falling off the counter entirely and crashing onto the ground with a yelp. The glorious touching point was the milk carton landing perfectly upright on the back of his head.

It was too much. You let out a fusion of a witch’s scream and a hyena’s laugh, tears forming at the corner of your eyes as you weakly pointed at him. Thankfully, Kazue was okay, because he rolled onto his back and was already laughing, cradling the carton in his hands.

“He said you weren’t ugly!” he crowed.

“I _know_!”

“That is so…” He shook his head. “Man, this Kageyama sounds pretty interesting. Is he crushing on you or something?”

“With the way his eyes go _pew pew_ on me on sight? Uh, I don’t think so!”

You and Kazue laughed again. 

But at the back of your mind, you remembered how quick your heart was beating and how warm you were feeling that day. It’s funny to talk about it now, but you were seriously flustered at the time. The power of Kageyama’s “compliment” was something that shouldn’t be underestimated. 

…

Did his backhanded compliment meant that he _was_ crushing on you? And if you were feeling oddly embarrassed like that, did that mean you were subconsciously considering the possibility of being romantically interested in him? Or was it the feeling of accomplishment that someone as intimidating as him complimented you?

Hmm. Five a.m. thoughts were _crazy_. 

After the chaos died down, with a couple of leftover giggles and repeating the same phrase, Kazue asked you, “so then what?”

“What?”

“What happened after he gave you the bag? Did you thank him at least?”

You solemnly closed your eyes. “I told him I was lactose.”

Kazue solemnly closed his eyes. 

“Oh, shut up.” You crumpled your plastic wrapper and threw it at him.

“I didn’t say anything.”

“You were thinking it,” you accused.

“Yeah, I really was thinking that you could’ve said—“

“Said what?” you challenged.

Kazue cleared his throat. “ _K-K-Kageyama-kun_!” he squeaked in a high-pitched voice, clearly insinuating it to be yours. “You b-baka! I’m lactose intolerant!”

“Shut up, shut up!” you gasped and wheezed.

“B-but, it’s not like you knew I was, so I _guess_ I’ll have to accept them…”

“Kazue, I’m going to _hit_ you!”

It was obvious that sleep was out of the question, so the two of you started preparing for today’s business at five-thirty in the morning. The sun was slowly rising. The other workers trickled in and not long after, so did the first couple of customers. And of _course_ , they were third-years from school. It _kinda_ sucked at the moment since you only washed your face and put on your uniform, so you were literally looking and feeling… less than ideal. No biggie; it wasn’t like you were ever going to interact with them after this.

Then you were starting to really regret not fixing yourself more because this ethereal goddess in front of you started talking and wow, she’s _pretty_ pretty. Grey eyes rimmed by glasses and silky black hair? Simply immaculate. The beauty mark by her lips was perfectly placed. And were those sparkles around her you were seeing?

“Uh,” you said intelligently.

“‘Uh’?” she repeated in confusion.

No one was here to rescue you. Kazue the Rat was in the back preparing dough; you had to take over the cashier. It was up to you and your crumbling professionalism to save yourself.

“Uh... welcome!” you almost blurted, already beginning to sweat. “What can I get you?”

“Oh…” Her voice was soft. “I just said I wanted one prawn onigiri.”

A hot wave of embarrassment rushed over you. “Y-yes, right away.” You grabbed the already-made prawn onigiri from the tray. “Here you go, have a nice day!”

She looked puzzled. “I haven’t paid yet…”

You heard soft laughter from the three third-years behind her. Something akin to lava blasted across your face. “Ah, yes, right. That’ll be two-hundred yen…”

What a great way to start off the day. 

“You’re [Surname], right?” she asked as she took out her wallet.

... _Have_ you met this chick before? You were terrible with names. 

As you internally panicked, she added, “I’ve seen you with Hitoka-chan before. She told me how you’re helping Hinata and Kageyama with their quizzes.”

“O-oh, really?”

“Yes.” She bowed her head. “They’re important to our volleyball team. Thank you for taking the time to help them. I hope they’re not causing you too much trouble.”

“It’s not a problem, senpai,” you laughed airily, and you believed the embarrassment was simmering down until another problem presented himself.

“Did I hear ‘senpai’?” 

Entered Kazue.

He strutted like he owned the place and yeah, while he actually did, it still peeved you off to no end. You’re hoping that the Tsukki-Yamaguchi incident won’t happen again, but judging by the faux innocent look on his face, you’re afraid there was a huge possibility.

“Thanks for taking care of my sister!” Kazue piped cheerfully. 

“Hey, I don’t really know her—” you tried to say.

“Isn’t school starting in about an hour? You should walk with her to school.”

“Huh?” you uttered.

He turned to the third-year. “Miss, can I ask you to walk her to school? She’s always walking by herself and I don’t feel so good about that sometimes.”

“I don’t mind,” came her reply.

“Wait, what.”

“Thanks!” Kazue grinned. “Your onigiri’s on the house; you can put your wallet away.”

“Eh? I couldn’t possibly—”

“What is the world thinking, making students buy their own meals? You know what, you get another onigiri.” He quickly grabbed another onigiri and plopped it into her hands, before turning to you. “You’re dressed up already, so take your stuff and get outta here.”

“Kazue—”

“Do you smell that? I think the buns are burning.”

“I’ll burn _your_ buns—”

“See ya after school!” 

The next thing you know, you’re outside of the bakery with the pretty senpai and the other three third-years, stiffly clutching your schoolbag and staring at a tree.

“Oh, I haven’t introduced myself. My name is Shimizu Kiyoko,” the pretty senpai suddenly said. “Thank you for the food.”

If you stared harder, would that tree combust into flames? “I’m so sorry,” you said aloud to no one in particular. To Kiyoko? To yourself? To the tree? Who knows.

“Oi, is she alright?” whispered the silver-haired third-year.

You snapped out of your mini-stupor, facing the group with an unstable smile and a sharp tilt of your head. An audible crack was produced from your neck, and the third-years cringed at the sound.

“Senpai, I’m terribly sorry about earlier,” you said lightly. “My brother’s very…”

You didn’t bother to finish your sentence and started walking to school.

* * *

Meanwhile…

“Something wrong, Asahi?”

“It’s just… were first-years always this intense?”

“Maybe she’s just stressed.”

"Enough to be staring at a tree?"

“I would be stressed too if I had to tutor Hinata and Kageyama on their English. How did Yachi-san handle it? She has my respect.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> bruhs,,, guess who got a switch and acnh last week yuuuuhh. i thought quarantine would make me write more but it told me no so i just gamed and drew stuff. i finished persona 5 royal in a month. i played the og last year and akira still has my heart. i swoon. anywayyy i have a Tumblr account if yall wanna interact with me about my fics or just me in general (pls Im lowkey lonely) https://matchamida.tumblr.com/
> 
> also you lactose intolerants are WILD. i cant imagine being one, i drink milk n stuff every week huhh


	6. the yes-but-actually-no incident

Despite the murderous urge to storm back inside and chuck a flour bag at Kazue, you were sensible enough to not leave the third-years behind because that would be rude. 

And you liked to think you weren’t a rude person. Most of the time.

After your ten-second stampede, you had slowed down and waited for them to catch up. Your temper was still steaming, but it went away as the other third-years introduced themselves. 

“Sawamura Daichi. Really, thank you for giving our volleyball players your time.”

“I’m Sugawara Koushi! How has tutoring Hinata and Kageyama been? You can nag at them as much as you need to.”

“My name’s Azumane Asahi. Uh… I’m not sure what to add other than repeat what Daichi said, so thanks for giving the first years your time.”

Slightly overwhelmed, you quickly said your name and added, “it’s nice to meet you.”

“It’s nice to meet _you_ ,” Sugawara pressed, waving a whimsical hand. “We’ve heard about you from Yachi.”

Sheesh, did Yachi tell the _whole_ team about you? 

Seeing the question written on your face, Sugawara laughed. “I think it was around the time you got assigned to be a tutor that she told us about you. Yachi’s usually quiet, but she actually gets more lively when you’re the subject. It’s adorable.”

“Huh… did she say good things about me?” you joked tentatively. 

“She accidentally said she thought you were a delinquent at first.”

“Urk.” You inwardly sulked. 

Kiyoko bored her gaze into Sugawara, a calm warning veiled in her eyes as she unwrapped her prawn onigiri. “Sugawara.”

“Well, I can see why.” You shrugged hastily, not wanting to cause a dispute. “It’s not like she’s… _wrong_ , exactly.”

“Wait, wait.” Asahi almost frantically waved his arms. “You’re actually a delinquent?”

You nearly sputtered on the spot, turning your head to give him a flat look. “What, no.”

Daichi squinted. “Asahi, really?”

“She said Yachi’s not wrong!”

“How did you two become friends, anyway?” Sugawara asked curiously while Daichi berated Asahi. “Mind giving us a short version on the way to school?”

“Uh,” you uttered, visibly wincing. “I could tell you, but it’s not exactly... fun.”

“What, did you get involved in a fist-fight for her?” he joked.

You stopped in your tracks and smiled wanly. “Sugawara-senpai, are you a mind reader?”

The whole scene was like a record scratch sound effect. The third-years collectively halted in their steps, eyes wide on your figure. Sugawara had a frozen smile stuck on his face. Kiyoko stopped mid-chew. Daichi stopped mid-berate. Asahi stopped breathing.

You? You wanted to vanish on the spot. Walking with these people was a terrible idea! Why did you go and reacted the way you did?

“You’re serious?” Asahi coughed weakly once he remembered to breathe. He shuddered. “Augh… this year’s first-years are unnecessarily intense.”

“I had a reason to,” you replied nervously, shuffling ahead of the group and running a hand through your hair. You gripped at the strands to feel your scalp being pulled. “It was for… a good cause. Okay, when I say it like that, it sounds bad.” 

“Well,” Sugawara exhaled in sheer disbelief, shaking his head as they followed behind, “did you win, at least?”

You nodded grimly. “I had to.”

“Nice!” He held out a fist for you to bump and you reluctantly bumped it back with your own.

Daichi pinched the bridge of his nose. “Sugawara, stop encouraging violence.”

“Aw, boo.”

“Wait, but _how_ did beating someone up had you making friends with Yachi?” Asahi asked dubiously.

“That is a good question,” you muttered mainly to yourself, before looking ahead into the distance where the school was. Your group was still ways away, but you had enough time to tell the story of how you almost went for the kill.

“So, uh. I don’t think I’ve told anybody about this before. It’s not like it’s a secret or anything, but no one’s ever asked me how we met. My family knows how, but they don’t count. Anyway. It was around the beginning of the year. I almost got suspended and—hey, don’t look at me like that!” you retorted defensively, internally squirming at their shocked and seemingly judging eyes. “That part is actually important! It wasn’t my fault. Most of it.”

“You started off the school year by almost getting suspended,” Daichi stated with disbelief.

“Yes, but actually no,” you blurted with gritted teeth. 

“‘Yes, but actually no’, she says,” you heard Sugawara chuckle quietly.

Your ears burned. School hadn’t even started and you were feeling so… What’s the word Asahi used? Intense. Yes, you were feeling so intense this early in the morning. What a new record.

“Before that happened, I would occasionally walk by Hitoka-chan. We weren’t in the same class or anything, but I would see her around during lunch. I made eye contact with her a couple of times, but I think that scared her off since she started avoiding me whenever she could.”

“Her first taste of your delinquency.” Sugawara nodded sagely.

Kiyoko twitched a ghostly smile. 

You lightly groaned, knowing he was right on the dot. “Anyway, when I was part of the home economics’ club—”

“‘Was’?” Daichi interrupted. “Did you get kicked out or something?”

“Yes, but actually no,” you blurted through gritted teeth.

“‘Yes, but actually no’, she says,” Kiyoko murmured thoughtfully, throwing her wrapper into a nearby trash can. She caught your eye, and you can see something akin to amusement sparkling behind her glasses. “Is your whole summary a ‘yes, but actually no’ situation?”

“Yes, but—” You stopped yourself from repeating the phrase. Kiyoko was right. It _is_ a whole yes-but-actually-no situation! “Uh, I kicked myself out of the club because the members were uncomfortable with me being there.”

“What?” Asahi frowned. “How come?”

“It was some weird rumor of how I’d one day snap and shank them or something.” You shrugged. “So I did everyone a favor and stopped showing up. And I would hate to cook under that tension. It’s okay though, I’m already busy at my brother’s bakery, so it’s not too much of a loss. But I do wanna use the kitchen at school sometimes…”

You finally noticed how the mood was dropping drastically and huffed. “That was a long time ago. And let me finish my story!”

Daichi scratched his head. “Right. Sorry. Please, continue.”

“So before I left the club, Hitoka-chan came inside one day. She was holding a camera, looking for permission to take photos of leftover food for her graphic design stuff. But she wasn’t expecting to find only _me_ in there. I was preparing a dish; cutting up beetroots and filleting a raw fish with a knife and… do you know how wild her imagination can be?”

“We’re aware,” they all said at the same time, spooking you a little.

“Right… She dropped into a seiza position and begged me not to _shank_ her.”

Sugawara’s jaw dropped. “That’s... excessive.”

You vigorously nodded. “I was so confused. And offended! It took me a few minutes to tell her that ‘no, I’m not gonna stab you’, and ‘hey, stop apologizing for being alive’ and stuff like that. But it’s hard when your white apron is stained with beetroot juice and fish blood. I think my face was stained too…”

Asahi visibly trembled. “So you two became friends over a misunderstanding?”

You shot him a strange look. “That was only the first proper encounter we had. We weren’t friends yet.”

“There’s more?” he moaned.

“She hasn’t got to the part where she beated someone up yet,” Sugawara informed him, eagerly turning his attention back on you. “And then?”

“Oh. That.” The thought had you visibly scowling, your demeanor almost physically repelling the group. “I just fought three guys from her class because they were harassing her to do their chores,” you summarized in annoyed disinterest, checking your nails. “Then we became friends.”

“Three? Three people? You beat up _three_ people?” Asahi all but sputtered in surprise.

“I didn’t tell you there were three guys?”

“You made it sound like it was only _one_ person!”

“Okay, well. Yeah. Three guys. That incident almost got me suspended, but I was quick to turn the situation around; I played as a victim and told the teacher I was defending myself. But beforehand, I told Hitoka-chan to play as my witness. I knew that they would believe her more over me. And they did. The boys are unfortunately still here at the school, but they transferred out of her class.”

Silence.

Daichi looked at Sugawara.

Sugawara looked at Asahi.

Asahi looked at Kiyoko.

Kiyoko looked at Daichi.

Daichi looked at you.

You sweated.

“That’s,” Daichi began, unreadable eyes trained at the distance. “That’s quite a story.”

Your face scrunched. “It was either them or Hitoka-chan.”

“You’re cooler than I thought,” Sugawara stated. 

“Oh, thanks.”

“I don’t normally commend violence, but it must have been better than staying silent,” Kiyoko commented. 

You nodded. Honestly, you were surprised to expose something like this to people you’d just met a short while ago. Like you said earlier, it wasn’t something to hide, but telling this story to others who weren't your immediate family was somehow refreshing. It felt like you got something off your chest for once.

But you were _not_ thanking Kazue. No way. You were still gonna throw something at him when you get home.

“Do your other friends find you scary?” Daichi suddenly asked.

Oh shoot.

“My other what?” you feigned loudly, praying you heard him wrong.

“Your other friends,” he confirmed, shooting you a weird look at your sudden volume.

“My _what_?” you tried again, hoping he would get the hint. 

However, Sugawara interfered and your hopes died with you. “Do. Your. _Friends_. Find. You Scary?” he emphasized. Each word was like six bullet kicks to the kneecap.

“Ugh. Not sure how I can answer that, since I don’t have any other friends aside from Hitoka-chan,” you grouched snidely from the pain, giving up. 

“I’m sorry,” Daichi apologized immediately.

“So am I. Uh, not for not having friends, but the part about snapping at you. Sorry.” 

There’s a brief pause before Sugawara piped up. “You’re kinda like Asahi.”

“Me?” The tall third-year pointed at himself.

Daichi furrowed his brow for a moment, switching his gaze between you and Asahi. His face brightened in realization and he laughed. “I see what you mean. The resemblance is almost uncanny.”

You pointed at yourself. “I’m like Azumane-senpai?” 

“Yes, but actually no,” Kiyoko chimed in. 

You sputtered. Kiyoko was surprisingly mischievous at unexpected times. “Shimizu-senpai, please...” 

Sugawara jabbed a thumb at Asahi. “He scares off first-years too. Gives them nightmares.”

Daichi contributed to the list. “They say he’s the leader of a gang.”

“Threatens teachers.”

“Been in high school for five years.”

“You guys,” Asahi whined sullenly. Seeing the gloomy cloud above his head, you felt like you had to say something positive to him.

“He doesn’t look threatening though,” you pointed out. “I think he’s fine just the way he is.”

Sugawara’s eyes gleamed teasingly. “You hear that, Asahi?” He playfully elbowed Asahi’s side, who let out a small yelp. “A first-year girl who isn’t scared of you!”

“If anyone’s scary, it’s Kageya—” You abruptly stopped talking, but it was already too late. They all heard you.

“Haha!” you abruptly laughed.

“You’re scared of Kageyama?” 

You nearly shivered, hugging yourself for comfort. “He just _stares_ at me and doesn’t _say_ anything and I don’t know _why._ ”

Daichi nodded thoughtfully. “I can picture that, actually. He’s just like that with the people he interacts with. At least, that’s how he is outside of volleyball to my knowledge. Have you tried asking him why?”

You opened your mouth to reply, but closed it when you realized that no, you actually hadn’t. You spent the entire time agonizing about it, telling Yachi, Kazue, and now these third-years, but never did you actually confront Kageyama what his problem with you was. You almost had, but your cowardice won over. 

“No, I… I didn’t, actually,” you admitted, stunned.

Daichi smiled. “Then I’m sure you know what to do.”

* * *

Once all five of you were at Karasuno's entrance, you assumed everyone was going to go to their respective classrooms when Kiyoko stopped you.

“Say, are you free after school today?” she nearly whispered, and all of a sudden you’re reminded of how utterly gorgeous she was, and how annoyed you were at yourself for not watching the morning sun reflect her dark hair. 

You supposed throwing something at Kazue could wait. “Yes, no. Er, yes, I mean.”

“Then, would you like to watch our team practice?” 

“We were discussing it earlier,” Daichi informed, standing next to her side. “Just think of it as thanks for tutoring some of our best players. You can see what I mean if you watch them play.”

“I…” You knew you didn’t have anything better to do at home after school. Kazue was more than capable of working without you. “Alright.”

Kiyoko smiled. The rest of you were temporarily blinded.

“Too bright,” Asahi croaked, shielding his eyes.

“The goddess’ smile is good luck for the test I am about to partake in,” Sugawara muttered, hands clasped in prayer. “I am sure to ace it.”

After Daichi rubbed his eyes (was he _crying_?), he grinned at you. “See you then. Besides, you’ll have your other friends with you.”

Your eyes narrowed at his words. Your other friends? Was your embarrassing episode of being almost friendless not engraved in his brain? But there was no way he forgot, and he didn’t seem to be mocking you.

“What friends?” you said coldly.

The third-years glanced at each other with something you couldn’t get a good read on, perhaps expressions only close friends were able to decipher. But you did catch something. They looked… a bit offended?

Sugawara stepped up, gesturing between himself and everyone else.

“Us, duh.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *scratches head* classes do be making me miserable! here's a 4:22 am update 
> 
> anyway as much as sugawara is depicted to his main personality of kind and sweet--and i do love sugawara --some ppl forget he can be SASSY and be out for blood when you least expect it. this boy is mischievous


	7. you are not a clown. you are the entire circus

_He’s not coming over…_

Discreetly, you eyed the back of Kageyama. You were expecting him to come over to your desk with his notebook like usual, but strangely enough, he stayed where he was. His cheek was resting on his propped fist, and although you couldn’t see his face, he seemed to be in deep thought about something.

It had been five minutes since lunch started—not that you were counting—and he didn’t even turn around. You frowned. So… no tutoring today? If that was the case, he could have at least _told_ you.

Hmm.

And there went your chance of talking to him about The Stare.

Hmm.

He still didn’t turn around and it’s been a total of six minutes—maybe you were counting this time. Was he just ignoring you?

_Hmm._

Actually, there was almost nothing you could do. Effort was already given on your part; it was up to him to meet you halfway.

(Besides, the thought of you forcing Kageyama to study? Haha! No.)

But wasn’t the threat of not playing volleyball enough incentive? He and Hinata—oh, crap you forgot about Hinata!

You glanced at the door. Even Hinata wasn’t here yet. Was he in on this too?

Hmm. 

Huffing, you cleaned up your station before leaving the classroom with your things, throwing Kageyama one last look. If the boys weren’t going to study with you, that’s fine. You could use this chance to eat with Yachi in her classroom. 

Yachi lit up with surprised delight upon seeing you enter her classroom, but her smile vanished just as quickly when you grabbed an empty chair and _mayyybe_ swung it over to her desk with too much force. The legs of the chair screeched rather loudly on the floor, silencing the classroom and garnering attention.

Yachi squeaked with embarrassment.

“Oh God, what’s [Surname] doing here?” a student hissed fervently, shooting you a panicked look. 

“Why is she with Yachi-san?“ another whispered in worry. “She looks so scared…”

“They’re actually friends, believe it or not, but I’d say—“

“Look away or I’ll eat you!” you barked sharply, tossing out a paralyzing glare. Everyone averted their eyes in terror from your threat and you pinched the space between your eyes, slumping onto the chair with a sigh. You unpacked your lunch as Yachi struggled to speak from your outburst.

“Um,” she managed to say, “are you okay?” 

“Yes, but actually no,” you uttered grimly, repeating the phrase for the nth time today. You then giggled into your palm at that, momentarily losing your sanity. 

Yachi didn’t know how to react.

You quickly put your hand down. “Sorry.” You cleared your throat. “It’s just that Hinata didn’t show up and Kageyama-kun didn’t even look at me when I was waiting for him to come over. So I left.”

“What?”

“Girl, I know what you’re thinking.” Grabbing your chopsticks, you began to add pieces of home-cooked meat and seasoned vegetables into Yachi’s own bento box. She blankly watched your quick movements as the little pile you started gradually grew bigger. “Why didn’t I ask him for an explanation? Heh.” You chuckled, shaking your head. “It’s simple. _I_ don’t make the first move.”

You paused, peering into Yachi’s food underneath the huge pile you gave her. Your chopsticks aimed and struck, bringing back an eggroll.

Yachi hurriedly moved on before you lost your mind any further. “H-how’re they doing so far?”

“They’re doing okay,” you replied, stuffing the three-inch eggroll into your mouth in one go. 

Yachi gaped at that.

Still chewing, you added, “steady progress, I’d say? If they took the quiz now, I think Hinata would be the one with the higher score.” You swallowed. “He tends to write down answers without hesitation, but if he calmed down to thoroughly read the questions, he’d do really well. I went through his previous papers and saw he had the right answers, but… he wrote them in the wrong boxes.”

“Oh, right.” Yachi nodded in understanding. “He’s done that before.”

You winced. “I’ll try helping him through that habit.”

“And Kageyama-kun?”

“He’s getting there,” you said. 

“And…?” 

“And… I’m praying for the both of them.”

“Ah.”

“We’re all trying our best!” you hurriedly added.

“I-I know, I believe you!” She nodded fervently, hastily biting into one of the vegetables you gave her. 

Feeling the need to move on, you blurted, “the third-years from your club invited me to watch their volleyball practice.”

Yachi’s eyes widened. She smiled a little wider, and you thought it was adorably cute. “R-really? How come? What did you say?”

“They said it's thanks for the tutoring and I told them I’d come to watch because I don’t really have anything else to do, so… wanna walk there together after class? I’d feel better if you were there with me.”

“Yeah, of course!” She nodded eagerly. “You’re going to see something really special!”

* * *

“You didn’t tell me your volleyball club was also a cult.”

Upon entering the gym and witnessing two guys dropping into a seiza position before Kiyoko’s feet, you and Yachi stopped in the doorway to watch the spectacle. The third-year was calm and unbothered—traits you _aspired_ to have—walking past them to talk to Ukai and the other third-years without so much as a glance. 

You jabbed a thumb at the scene. “Is this what you mean by seeing something special?”

Yachi sputtered at your words, her ears reddening. “We’re not _that_ kind of special.” 

But the wavering doubt in her eyes was unmistakable when the one with the tuft of bleached hair sat up.

“Kiyoko-san ignored us—again!” he cried with… joy.

His companion followed suit. You thought you saw his eyes tearing up as he clenched his fists. “I’ll never get tired of this for as long as I live,” he sighed dreamily.

A cult for Kiyoko. You couldn’t really blame them—you felt like you could make her thousands of shrimp onigiris and collect the plastic wrappings she tossed aside to keep as souvenirs. Maybe you should go back to that trash can from this morning and dig inside for it.

“Um, excuse me.”

You turned and—

Oh no.

Oh no.

Oh no no no no no.

You gently tugged on Yachi’s wrist to bring her to the side to let Yamaguchi and Tsukki in, politely bowing your head at them. 

They were in the—

You—

You forgot they also played volleyball.

Haha.

Oh no.

You closed your eyes. Maybe the dark void you were seeing right now would swallow you up and delete your existence from the universe. 

As much as you prayed they didn’t remember you, (because surely, they wouldn’t recognize the girl whose older brother humiliated her in a bakery a couple of days ago), they, in fact, _did_ recognize the girl whose older brother humiliated her in a bakery a couple of days ago.

“Oh hey!” Yamaguchi waved shyly at you. “That matcha drink you made was really good.”

“Eh-heh!” you accidentally garbled. At his startled look, you accidentally blurted, “thanks.”

You closed your mouth and stared at Yachi.

Yachi turned to face the wall out of second-hand embarrassment.

Tsukki didn’t do anything.

As you waited for the deities to smite you from reality, your saviors came in the form of brash arguing from the door.

“It’s because you’re too stupid that she went off and disappeared! Your stupidness was too much for her!”

“Hah? You mean it’s your fault that she gave up on us. You didn’t even know what Meyberine the eyeliner was!”

“It’s Maiboyine, you idiot. See, you can’t even say it right—”

Something was in the air. Something that alerted everyone in the vicinity that danger was here. It materialized into the form of Sawamura Daichi, who stormed over to Hinata and Kageyama and scolded—more like yelled, and you wished upon the lord to never incur Daichi’s wrath at you—

“You! Who are you?”

The shout drew you away from the situation and pushed you into another one. Kiyoko’s cult followers from earlier were now in your face, both of them circling around you like hawks. 

“What...” you began with uncertainty. The shorter one paused, planting his fist into his open palm in a sudden realization.

“Tanaka-san,” he said to his fellow follower. “What do you think?”

“Noya-san, the power we’ll have…” The one with the shaved head nodded sagely, a confident grin on his face. “It will be triple! We will brandish this to our rival schools!”

Your new savior came by to smack the back of their heads. “You fools,” Sugawara said flatly. “She’s not a new manager. She’s Hinata’s and Kageyama’s tutor so we invited her over to watch our practice as a treat.” He turned to you, a sweet smile brightening up his demeanor as he said with a light-hearted tone, “I’m sorry for that. But we’re glad you’re here!”

“Yeah,” you found yourself saying dumbly. So much was happening—

“EEK! A spider!”

Sugawara rolled his eyes, looking over his shoulder and hollered, “my God, Asahi, just ignore it!” 

“Look at how big it is! It’s like the size of my hand!”

That caught Sugawara’s interest. “Wait, I wanna see.” And he ran off.

So much was—

At least four more screams ensued. Joining them was Yachi, who had finally turned away from the wall, but only to freeze when said spider was on her shoe.

So much was happening.

You turned to Tsukki and Yamaguchi, hoping to fix whatever misunderstanding they… saw. “Tsukki-kun, right? About back—”

He suddenly looked annoyed. “What.”

Astonished, you slightly leaned back at his sudden attitude. “Um, what?”

“Don’t call me that.”

You blinked stupidly.

Yamaguchi hurriedly intervened, frantically waving his hands. “Sorry!” he winced sheepishly. “That’s a nickname, sorry. His name is Tsukishima.”

“I’m sorry,” you said, feeling the heat rush into your ears.

You should just walk away from the gym at this point. But you found yourself gravitating next to Ukai, who was watching all of the chaos unfold. He looked like a tired dad who gave up reining in his kids the moment they were born. From Hinata and Kageyama cowering under Dachi’s glare to the spider now crawling on a fainted Asahi’s thigh (“Whoa, it made webs in his pocket!” Sugawara exclaimed), you figured the coach wanted to use a smoke.

“Welcome to the club,” Ukai said to you without emotion. 

“Thanks for having me,” you replied weakly. Just as you thought the chaos was finally dying down, Hinata and Kageyama crawled towards you, their expressions borderline desperate. You inched towards Ukai, ready to use the man as a shield.

“We’ll try harder!” Hinata wailed once he reached you with a deep bow.

“Huh?” You were taken aback. “What are you talking about?”

Fidgeting, he nervously peeked up. “Didn’t you give up on us?”

“No...?”

“Then where were you? You weren’t in the classroom when I arrived.”

“Where was I?” you asked incredulously. “Where were _you_? I was waiting for you to show up.”

At that, Hinata scratched the back of his head sheepishly. “I really needed to use the bathroom...”

You supposed you could let that pass. And since the topic was brought up, you whirled to Kageyama. Might as well get it over with. 

“And how come you didn’t come over? Were you ignoring me?”

You… did _not_ mean for that last part to slip out. Wait, so what if he was ignoring you? Why did the prospect of that affect you more than what you expected?

Kageyama answered, “I was sleeping.”

“...” 

“...”

“You. You were sleeping.”

He nodded, unaware of the mixed emotions bubbling within you. “For about thirty minutes. Didn’t you notice?”

Hinata added his two cents, as if it made anything better. “Yeah, I was the one who woke him up when I got back. You weren’t there, so we thought you finally got mad at us and gave up.”

Ukai, having witnessed the whole conversation with his face in his hands, groaned. “Let’s just,” he pushed out with gritted teeth. “Let’s just start practice already.” Turning to address the whole room, he called for them to gather up. 

“But Asahi fainted!” someone pointed out. “I think the spider is laying eggs now!”

You needed to sit down.

Ukai made a disgusted face. “Oh, come on—someone get it off him!”

After Kiyoko flawlessly scooped up the spider to put it outside, with her cult followers following her with heaps of praises of how cool she was, Asahi woke up with a start.

“I had the most terrifying dream,” you heard him shudder. “There was this spider—“

“It was real,” Sugawara interrupted.

Asahi chuckled good-naturedly, outright denying the possibility. “No it wasn’t.”

“Huh, that’s strange. Go check your pocket.”

“My pocket…?”

Not wanting to see the end result of _that_ , you began to make your way back to Yachi when Hinata stopped you.

“Hey, can we exchange numbers later?” he asked hopefully. Then, realizing what he just announced could be interpreted as, he reddened. “Um! Not like that, it’s just that we can tell each other where we are and all that and there won’t be any more confusion I’m sorry you can reject me—“

Unable to watch this blubbering mess any further, you kindly interrupted Hinata. “Yeah, yeah! I’ll remind you after practice.”

He immediately beamed. How cute. Wait, but if you were going to exchange numbers with Hinata, then…

You rigidly faced Kageyama, whose eyes bored into your soul not unlike the day you were leafing over his quiz papers. The same burning, prickling sensation was something you knew you would never get used to. 

You held your breath. “How about we exchange numbers too?”

“Okay.” He nodded.

You almost deflated with relief right there on the spot. Why did everything that involved him was so unnecessarily difficult? But this hurdle was over with. 

“Wait,” Kageyama told you as you were about to leave. 

“Yeah...?” you asked anxiously.

He frowned harder. “Never mind.”

“O-okay.” You nodded hesitantly and turned away.

“Wait.”

“What?” you whispered with exhaustion. 

His brows furrowed, as if compilating something. You honestly didn’t know how long you were waiting for whatever he had to say and thought about leaving him right there until he spoke quietly. “What did you…”

“What did I what?” you prompted.

“What did you mean when you said...” His words trailed off to a mumble, but it was enough to make you freeze on the spot. Your mind whirled at top speed from the many possible and careless things you might have said to him. You didn’t think you called him a loser to his face or anything, or did he have a question about English? Please let him have a question about English. You’d be more than happy to once again explain the difference between commas and apostrophes, or how homonyms are words that sounded the same as another word but had different meanings, like the words “bat” or “sink”. Please let him have a question about the words “bat” or “sink”.

“A bat can either be an implement with a handle and a solid surface, usually of wood, used for hitting the ball in games such as baseball, cricket, and table tennis,” you automatically parroted, the official definition bonking you in the mind. “Or! It’s a nocturnal flying mammal!”

Kageyama stared. “What are you talking about?”

“What are _you_ talking about?” you almost cried.

“It’s just that… what do you mean you’re…”

You had enough. “Speak louder!” you hissed.

“What do you _mean_ you’re lactose intolerant?!” he all but hollered.

The entire gymnasium echoed with his words. 

A volleyball dropped from someone’s grip, its bounce thumping on the floor like an ominous aftereffect. Kiyoko, along with her cult followers Tanaka and Noya, had returned just in time to hear the commotion, halting at the doorway in curiosity. Sugawara, a sniffling Asahi, and Daichi—who had also gone over to see the spider webs—all stared at you two from afar, stupefied. Yamaguchi and Tsukishima snickered. Ukai closed his eyes and was probably debating on breaking school rules for a smoke. Hinata’s gaze flickered between the two of you.

“You’re lactose intolerant?” he asked innocently. “That’s too bad!”

And for the second time today, Yachi took the cue to face the wall, clasping her hands in prayer for you.

The door opened.

“Hey guys!” Takeda waved cheerfully. “Sorry I’m late, I had some papers to finish. What’d I miss?”

“...”

You didn’t know how you were still alive.

Maybe… Maybe this was fate giving you a chance to get rid of them before it got rid of you.

The witnesses. In total, there were… four first-years aside from Yachi, five second-years, three third-years aside from Kiyoko, one coach, and Takeda. Yes, even him. Kill all the men. The only thing they had was the audacity.

But how? If only all of this was on paper, then you could just throw it into the fire.

Or… throw the _men_ into the fire…?

“Listen,” you whispered gently to Kageyama, the idea of committing arson seeming very attractive to you right now. “You have no tact whatsoever.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yknow that picture of ben affleck smoking? yeah that's ukai atm. anyway this is the funniest thing I've written in a while. there was so much going on even i had to reread several times. this is probably the last update of the year, holy crap.


	8. hinata, the future CEO of respecting women

During the first break from practice, you had bravely approached Kageyama and pulled him aside to explain what lactose intolerance was in the most basic terms you knew. 

“I shouldn’t consume things like milk,” you had enunciated slowly, using useless hand gestures in the hopes of getting the point across, “otherwise, I will be in pain.”

“‘Pain’?” He was taken aback, like he never considered ‘milk’ and ‘pain’ could exist in the same sentence. Probably never did. Must be nice, not suffering the consequences. “What do you mean, ‘pain’?”

Putting on your most talented, brilliant, incredible, amazing, show-stopping, spectacular, never-the-same, totally unique, completely-not-ever-been-done-before customer service face—which you were convinced was the face of a plastic barbie doll because you saw Hinata shiver at you in the corner of your eye—[you smiled tightly](https://i.kym-cdn.com/entries/icons/original/000/029/423/Screen_Shot_2019-04-24_at_9.58.20_AM.png). Kageyama didn’t seem to notice your struggle, frowning at you as he awaited your answer.

Were you about to give him a health lesson in the middle of volleyball practice? Well, actually, it could benefit him in the long run since health was related to sports. But in his case, lactose intolerance had nothing to do with him and volleyball; on the other hand, it, unfortunately, had something to with you. A brief lesson couldn’t hurt (much).

“Lactose is like, a certain kind of sugar found in dairy food. Like cheese, or yogurt. My body can’t digest it well. I _can_ eat it if I want to, but I shouldn’t.”

“So you _can_ drink milk,” he stated firmly.

“No, that’s not what I even—” Your fake professionalism dropped and you briefly looked away in exasperation, meeting eyes with… _Tsukishima_ of all people. You could see he was still laughing at you by the stupid, mocking smirk on his face. You died a little inside and faced Kageyama again, embarrassed. “No,” you coughed out, hugging your arms. “I can drink milk, yes, but I _shouldn’t_. Too much of it will give me… pain.”

He squinted. “How?”

You nearly screamed right there on the spot, but Future You had no business dealing with humiliation again, so you held it together for the sake of Future You. After all, holding it together was the reason why all the men here were still alive and the gym’s windows were still intact.

“Cramps,” you said plainly. “Nausea. Bloating. Stuff like that.” There were obviously more disgusting symptoms to name, but what were you, a gastroenterologist? “That’s what dairy can do to my body. I can get a bit sick, but I’m actually one of the luckier ones since mine is more on the milder side.”

“So… you can’t drink milk?” he finalized with a concentrated look.

It would be really funny to say “yes, but actually no” if someone other than Kageyama was asking that question, but you had a strong suspicion that it would bring you back to square one. And someone’s head bashed into the wall (read: yours. [maybe in another world, Kageyama’s]). 

You shook your head. “No, I shouldn’t.”

“Oh.” Then, looking you directly in the eye with constipated pity (constapity??), he commented, “that really sucks for you.”

Your hand abruptly reached for his neck. But you remembered that you were still holding it in for Future You, so your clawed fingers stopped inches from his windpipe. Kageyama blankly stared at you as you shakily moved your hand to his shoulder and gave it a delicate pat.

“Yeah, it does,” you agreed.

 _For Future You, for Future You, do this for Future You_ , you chanted desperately.

Unfortunately for you, Future You was already doomed, for you hadn’t notice Yamaguchi and Tsukishima witnessing your almost-murder. And you didn’t notice Yamaguchi’s horrified choke on his drinking water, nor Tsukishima’s disappointed mutter of “she was so close.”

* * *

Anyway. Daichi was right earlier; watching them play was something else. 

You hardly knew anything about volleyball; only the common sense of how teamwork, stance, and all that were important. But watching them practice was so interesting and engaging. It was like a coordinated play; everyone had a role to fulfill, blatantly telling you that there was more to it than teamwork, stance, and all that.

There was Hinata, itty bitty cutie pie Hinata, jumping almost twice your size. Sure, you knew him to be an energetic and all-over-the-place guy and assumed he was good. But watching him told you he was _good._ You wondered how he would play in a real match.

As for Kageyama, well…

You watched him swiftly position himself at the net. His arms stretched above, palms facing up and fingers splayed apart. The ball temporarily landed on his hands before floating to Hinata, but you were focused on his face. Kageyama looked bright and alive for the sole purpose of setting the ball. All you’d seen from him off the court were frustration and irritation, his glaring scowls and annoyed frowns. Well, they were still here, actually, but that new expression was something you’ve never seen on him. 

He was kind of cool.

You briefly frowned. Wait… Never mind.

But wait.

Kageyama did the freak quick—as the team dubbed it—a few more times with Hinata, and you quickly spot his concentrated look again. His brows were furrowed, blue eyes narrowed but bright with raw passion, sweat glistening down his forehead…

You felt nothing but dread.

Who put a beauty filter over Kageyama?

“No, no, nonono,” you hissed lowly to yourself, gripping your fists in fury. “Absolutely not. Not today.” 

This boy literally told you _to your face_ that it sucked that you were lactose less than fifteen minutes ago and now you’re thinking how he looked… cool? Cool, as in the _cool_ attractive way?

No, wait. Anyone can find anybody attractive but not be _attracted_ to them, right? 

You stared at Kageyama again. He had just scored a point, bunching the collar of his shirt to wipe his sweat, and your eyes drifted down to his exposed—

“Hold up,” you muttered as you closed your eyes and pinched the bridge of your nose. “This is so tragic.” 

Yachi noticed your movement. “Is something wrong?” she asked, alarmed.

“Yeah. My taste,” you grunted, a bit red with annoyance.

Yachi tilted her head, but you could tell she was mentally filing this moment away to ask later. You forcefully cleared your mind of K*geyama to focus on the practice match, until your eyes grew tired from the consistent darting and head-turning.

“How do you keep up with this speed,” you groaned quietly to Yachi as you rubbed your eyes. Maybe if you were sitting in some bleachers and not too close to the court, you’d have a better view.

“You get used to it,” Yachi murmured, her eyes never leaving the ball. “I have to keep up with them if I’m going to be next year’s manager.”

Next year, you thought idly. Next year, Yachi would still be in the volleyball club. She wasn’t a player, but it was clear to you that she had a passion for the sport. She would be secure in this club. As for you? You couldn’t keep using the excuse of ‘helping with the family business’ as much as you wanted to. Being in a club was pretty much a guaranteed requirement in school, but what was there for you? The home economics’ club made you feel alienated (and you _vaguely_ recall someone running away at the sight of you, or was that a fever dream?), and you weren’t interested in stuff like gardening or sports.

...‘Sports’? Volleyball club? Co-manager position?

With that thought in mind, you watched Hinata serve the ball. It sailed in the air before slamming into the back of Kageyama’s head, causing him to face-plant into the net. Everyone hollered. Hinata trembled with glazed eyes as he prepared for his own upcoming funeral.

You gaped as Yachi let out a squeak and shuffled forward with worry. Yeah, no... you could barely manage your own life, so how were you going to manage a bunch of chaotic high school boys? Maybe you should join the home economics’ club again.

Ukai called for another break after that, rubbing his lower back. You wondered if it ached from carrying this team.

You ambled towards Hinata, who was still paralyzed in his spot. “Hinata? Hey, Hinata.”

“Tell Natsu and my mom that I love them,” he whispered hollowly, his wide eyes flying over your shoulder. You followed his line of sight. Kageyama loomed menacingly over the both of you, and Hinata unwittingly used you as a human shield. You didn’t blame him because you would have done the same.

“ _Hinata_.” 

Although Kageyama wasn’t even addressing you, the fact that you were still directly in his line of sight made it all the same. You held your breath and tried not to stare at the grid marks the volleyball net left on his face. It was funny, but you’d loved nothing more than to get out of here if it weren’t for Hinata clutching onto your back like a baby koala.

“It was an accident!” Hinata wailed. 

Kageyama’s eyes darkened even further. He lunged around you to reach Hinata, but Hinata slid to your front. Kageyama lunged around you again, and Hinata was back where he started behind you. 

You stood there with tired eyes as the boys wildly circled around you. It was like your body was an obstacle course in a game of tag. 

Though, it came to an end when someone’s elbow jabbed into your left breast. 

“Ow!” 

They froze at your voice. You groaned lightly, clutching your side and ebbing the pain away. 

Hinata stared pointedly at Kageyama. 

“That sure wasn’t me,” he said accusingly, sudden bravado present in his tone. “I’m sorry that she got hit, but you should say sorry for elbowing her.”

Kageyama flushed. “I know that!” Facing you, he strained out, “...sorry for hitting your ribs.”

“It’s fi—” You stopped in your tracks.

Was he serious. He was serious. 

“My. My ribs,” you babbled distantly to yourself as your soul flew to the heavens. You vaguely noticed Sugawara approaching the three of you after hearing the commotion. “He thinks he hit my ribs. My ribs.”

Kageyama frowned and pointed directly at your chest. “Those are the ribs,” he stated.

Sugawara gracefully turned on his heel and walked away once he deduced the situation, processed Kageyama’s words, and where his finger was pointing at. Hinata put his hands on his hips and gave another pointed look.

“You,” he began with pity, “don’t deserve rights.”

“What?” Kageyama seethed.

“Kageyama,” Hinata continued, “I’m saying you should respect women.”

As Kageyama lunged at him, you were still stuck in your head. Something snapped, and there was boiling, searing, and unshakable rage. Your arms quietly shook with suppressed fury, and the fearful image you had been building of Kageyama melted just like that. You’re taking everything back about what you thought of him; _why_ were you so afraid of him? Who the hell said you had to be afraid of this stupid boy? He couldn’t even tell—well, feel—the difference between a boob and a rib! Did he even know what a boob was?! He’s so stupid! Stupid!! And to _think_ you momentarily found him attractive, what the fuck! You wanted him to pay for the unnecessary anxiety he gave you. You were _done_ holding it together.

Future You was going to _thrive_ soon. 

…Well actually, that’s character development for another time. For now, Future You was still doomed for embarrassment because everyone in the gym watched the scene unfold and ate it up like a drama.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oikawa to reader: omg you almost killed tobio-chan in a fit of blind rage too?? twinsiesss 👌😩👌 hehe! 
> 
> anyway the first anniversary already passed on jan 13 but i got lazy to write. also genshin took over my life so i might write for it some time. I'm almost AR 50 but at what cost.

**Author's Note:**

> interact with me on tumblr https://matchamida.tumblr.com/ !


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